I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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