i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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