Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
