Can i not drive my cunt home
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
