how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she pinky promised me she was 18
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
