Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
