He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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