The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
