member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
