why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
