He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Randomize
