We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
