a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
