Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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