im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
