His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
