found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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