I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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