He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
