one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
