Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She's the barista slut.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
