a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
