I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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