she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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