thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
