Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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