come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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