I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize