He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well I just put wine in my tea
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
