apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize