last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering