Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.