When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
