apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.