he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.