i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.