I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
