my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
