I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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