cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
