from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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