I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Everclear isn't food dammit
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
