Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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