I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
3 2 1 whiskey
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
