she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
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I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
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I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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