Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I love having hate sex.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
