the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
