I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
