the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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