I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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