Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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