I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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