This is not my ceiling
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Pooping to opera.
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