New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
