I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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