i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
