So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
