I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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