Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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