Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Me too!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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