Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
