I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
