Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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