i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
