right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
