went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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