i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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