It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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