my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
