He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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