No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
