ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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