I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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