stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
