He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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