i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
