My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
