well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I AM VODKA MAN
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
