we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
