don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
