I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize