the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
