seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
